Forgive and Forget
寬恕和忘記
By Michael Josephson
source:
CHARACTER COUNTS!
真正的寬恕(Forgive) 是完全的忘記(Forget)
Related article: It’s Not Easy
Tony and Tracy were newlyweds when they went to a friend’s wedding. Tony drank too much, and when a seductive former girlfriend kissed him on the lips, he kissed her back inappropriately. Tracy was furious.
新婚的湯尼(Tony)和崔西(Tracy)參加了一個朋友的婚禮。湯尼喝得太多了；當一個性感撩人的前女友親吻他的嘴唇時，他不適當地回吻了她。崔西氣得不得了。
The next day, Tony was full of remorse. He apologized, sent flowers, pledged his absolute fidelity, and begged for forgiveness. Finally, Tracy absolved him.
第二天，湯尼滿心懺悔。他道歉、送花、保證絕對忠誠、並懇求寬恕。最終，崔西赦了他的罪。
Yet in the following months, she repeatedly referred to the incident. Tony protested. “Look, I admitted I was wrong. I’ve done everything I could to make amends. You said you’d forgiven me. Why do you keep rubbing my nose in it?”
然而，在接下來的幾個月當中，她反覆地提及這個事件。湯尼抗議說：『 妳看，我已經承認我錯了，我已經盡我所能地進行修補了。妳說過會原諒我，但是妳為什麼要一再提醒我做了錯事？』
"Rub one’s nose in it" (= To remind one of one's failures or wrongdoings) 提醒一個人他的失敗或是做了錯事
Tracy said, “I have forgiven you, but I haven’t forgotten what you did. And I don’t want you to forget it either.”
崔西說：『我是原諒了你，但是我還沒有忘記你做的事情，而且我也不想讓你忘記它。』
Clearly, Tracy hadn’t forgiven Tony and was using his indiscretion as power over him.
顯然，崔西還沒有原諒湯尼，而且正在利用他的輕率行為來掌控他。
True forgiveness involves more than saying the words. It involves letting go in a way that frees both parties from grudges and guilt. The phrase “forgive and forget” is often used because without forgetting, there is no true forgiveness.
真正的「寬恕」不只是說出這兩個字而已。它是放手，讓雙方都能擺脫怨恨和罪惡感。 “寬恕與忘記”一詞經常被人使用，因為缺了忘記，就沒有真正的寬恕。
Forgetting doesn’t mean we don’t remember an incident; it means we voluntarily let go of our right to punish an offender and fully and unconditionally release the wrongdoer from further penalty. In effect, we cancel the moral debt.
忘記並不意味著我們不記得一個事件；它是意味著我們自願放棄可以懲罰一個冒犯者的權利，並完全地、無條件地將做錯事的人從進一步的處罰中豁免。實際上，我們撤銷了道德債務。
When a relationship has been damaged by a hurtful act, the victim can choose to hold on to righteous anger and pain or let them go so the wound can heal and the relationship can flourish. In the end, holding on to a grudge could damage Tracy’s marriage more than Tony’s indecent kiss.
當一段感情關係因為一個傷害的行為而遭到破壞時，受害者可以選擇抓住正當的憤怒和痛苦；或是選擇不這樣做，以便傷口可以癒合，感情關係可以更為美好。到最後，抓緊怨恨可能會比湯尼的不雅之吻更加傷害崔西的婚姻。
Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally and it isn’t easy, but it’s both generous and wise.
寬恕不是很自然會發生的事情，它並不容易，但它是既慷慨又明智。
